Does it ever happen to you? Feeling like there just isn't enough time... or days and weeks go by and suddenly you realise you haven't been painting..... and there is just absolutely zero desire to paint and at the same time, there is this weird guilt for not painting AND this huge desire to paint?
It's so wild that zero desire to paint and a huge desire to create can exist in the very same moment. It can be paralyzing!
There is this momentum that can build, the more I tell myself the story that I am "blocked," the more "blocked" I am.
It's as if the fear of having lost my creativity, causes me to believe I have really lost it.
It was especially apparent fresh out of the psyche ward on anti psychotics. The drugs wiped away my passion and spirit to such an extent, I honestly believed I had no idea how to paint anymore.
I would force myself to sit and color with pastels. I was frustrated and angry that they looked so childlike and unskillful. I just couldn't remember. I couldn't get through to that side of my knowledge. I was so filled with insecurity and self doubt, I would become even more frozen.
I didn't realise that the images coming out, were exactly what needed to be expressed. I didn't realize that pouring out all of those childhood wounds in the childlike drawings, and scribbling and screaming and crying in that frustration was exactly what I needed to catapult to the next level of my work.
Had I given up forever, right there, I may very well have convinced myself that painting was not for me.
My inner love of painting and desire to paint overcame the resistance and the more I scribbled and raged through my pain and fear and frustration...there was a release.
I had been holding onto those fears and pain and insecurity for so long, I didn't realise how it was blocking me from moving forward until they were gone.
I still took many extended periods of not creating at all. I didn't know how it was going to turn out, I just thought I couldn't paint anymore. So I gave up over and over again.
What I notice, was that the moments I was dormant, or"blocked" were like a hibernation or some type of pressure cooker.
All that time not creating, built within me an expression that had to come out and it would come out louder and louder and louder.
After time and time again noticing that what appeared to be a block was more like a growth spurt, I completely stopped using the term "blocked"
What has helped you overcome?
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