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What Inspires You?


For the longest time, I'd have to say my main inspiration was pretty simple>>> to avoid pain.


Most of my obsessions and addictions were futile attempts to not feel pain.

I didn't know that feeling it was the way to be free from it. I thought I had to do what ever it took to avoid it.

Painting was this way of going into an alternate reality. When I was using I would get super high and dive into the world of swirling colours and images and literally be immersed. It would absolutely get my mind off what was hurting, or it would help me to express what was going on.


The more full on into my addictions I became, the less the process worked to help me avoid anything. I couldn't get high enough to turn away from my pain.

As I became sober, it was desperation that inspired me. No longer with my "medication" of drugs and alcohol, I felt raw, vulnerable, insecure and absolutely insane.

When I painted, I could express and cry and scream. I could also focus on something other than the endless stories in my brain. If I was attempting to create a face, I could hyper focus on what I was creating and all other thoughts would pause for a a moment. That pause from my thinking was like heaven.

Incorporating meditation into my daily self care, was a game changer for me. Painting was somewhat of my first introduction to the relief of pausing from my own thoughts, although, at the time I had no idea that was what I was doing. I was doing whatever I possibly could to just make it through one more second sober. Being sober was the absolute most painful thing I had ever experienced>>>at first.


As I sit here coming up on my seven year anniversary of being sober, I honestly can't imagine life any other way. From time to time I crave a good mushroom trip, but other than that, the peace that I have discovered in my life is far beyond understanding.


These days my inspiration is an entirely different experience.


It can be the way the wind shimmers ripples on water, the anticipation of the scent of burning incense, the way my cat stretches in sunlight, or a really intensely passionate and emotional song. Some days it's an episode of NCIS or a cheesy dramedy.


When I stopped running from pain, and allowed myself to feel without judgement, inspiration just seemed to become every aspect of a moment that I am not resisting.


I resist the inspiration when I think other people should be some way other than how they are, or that life itself should be any different than it is.


As I allow myself to step into my power, to become empowered to honor my hearts desire in any and every given moment, all the moments just become these blessings from a loving God. Suddenly, I want to pass on the joy I am feeling and my inspiration becomes moments that I can inspire others to realise their own genius.


What is your experience with being inspired? What was your most recent inspiration and what did you create?

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